Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Have come to the conclusion over the years that imagination is probably the most important thing that a human being can have and also the worst. Everyone has imagination, even those who claim otherwise.
It can however work for, or against you. It can help you play, it can help you dream, it can give you hope, imagining what 'might' be if a series of events take place. It can help you decide on a course of action, showing you the best possible road to take.
It can take fear, and grow it to the point of panic, chasing those fears and forcing you to confront a myriad of possibilities, each one more gruesome than the last, until you are almost paralysed and unable to move forward.
In my case, as well as the above, my imagination tends to take me down very strange roads, often showing me the absurd and ridiculous. It tends to do this at very awkward moments, so that in the middle of a most important meeting, it nudges me, forcing a smile to my lips or on a couple of singularly embarrassing occasions, making me laugh out loud that i've hurriedly and very unsuccessfully tried to turn into a cough. I managed to stop a meeting doing that once, the coughing fit, that was there to cover the laugh, decided to put in an oscar winning performance, which had my ex-boss running down the corridor for water (which of course I found even funnier - more coughing - more concerned looks etc etc).
My daughter suffers from the same affliction. We are very alike in many ways and I can see the light of laughter in her eyes, listened to the stories of her being told off for laughing at the wrong moments. She hasn't managed her mothers level of control just yet!
We both also suffer from the darker side of the imagination. We skip our way through the bright possibilities of a situation until suddenly we realise we are in the shade, the path in front of us in shadow, uncertain. We are unable to turn our backs, we need to see what is down there, the dark possibilties of that same situation and that haunts us. Once there of course, it's very hard to remember the brighter side of things.
We are by no means unusual. We also do not suffer mental health problems. This is the way most people think, to a greater or lesser degree. What it does mean for us is that it is all too easy to hurt us. We have already worked out all the possibilities of "I'll call you.." If you don't we don't condemn you, we condemn ourselves as our imagination has convinced us we weren't good enough to call.
We demand honesty, because that's what we offer. We know how much anything less can hurt and destroy something that could potentially be great.
This blog didn't really have a direction, more of a muse I think. Rambling can be such a comfortable thing to do sometimes....