That Old Devil called...

I sat down here today, ready to put down my thoughts on a certain subject that I've been musing about recently but find that now I actually have that metaphorical pen in hand, I have no idea where to start.

Of course it's the subject that probably been written about most in all the history of the world and far be it from me to say that I've had any original thoughts on the matter or indeed have anything new to say on it. People have died, killed and been killed for it.. not something I think I could do, but hope never to be in the situation where I'd have to make that choice.

Is there a difference between like and love? Are those who use the word 'like', just not wanting to admit to the love they feel? Is it dependent upon how much you care about something or someone? I could say that if I get to know someone, then I care about what happens to them, about their well-being. How much do I have to care before it moves from liking to loving?

I've met people who, for whatever reason, will do everything to avoid saying the word and actually go pale if you say it to them. I feel sad that I can't express my love for these people because of their own inhibitions and fear that it makes them somehow responsible for me.

On the other side of the coin I've also met people who seem to love everything they come into contact with. Does that dilute the word? I don't think so. It may be a very splendid thing, but it's also a very individual thing, personal to the person who feels it and none of us, not a one, can define what it means to them to another human being.

I love the friends I have, I care about them, I hope they are healthy, successful and happy and would hurt for them if anything happened to them. If it were in my power I would find a way to make their lives even better. Is that not what love is? I doubt I could tell them though, possibly because I fear their reaction, fear that they would take it the wrong way and feel awkward.

Is it all a part of being "British" that we find it so hard to express emotions and usually fear seeing them in someone else? I hate not being able to say "I love you, please take care" to a friend. I hate not being able to call someone up that I have known and loved in the past, just to remind them that the thoughts I have about them are still loving, still caring.

I love to express my love too.. I love to hug and kiss and cuddle, again all frowned upon in 'polite society'. Think about the impact a touch of another human being has on you. Not getting it? Ok, this must have happened to you, being touched by a stranger.. possibly in a queue for something, you get chatting with someone, you laugh at something and the stranger reaches out and touches your arm or hand as you laugh. Do you feel the need to recoil? Do you feel warmth? I'm willing to bet you felt something, that the stranger not only touched your skin, but also touched you deeper, on a base level. Years ago people shook hands when they met for the first time, now it's not something you see often. I think that's a shame. To be a 'touchy feely' person now can be a very isolating thing.

I love my world, I love the people who have touch my life, both past and present, I love the fact that the sun is shining... s'cuse me while I kiss the sky :)

Christmas Ramblings

This is an odd time of year isn't it. It's probably the one time of year that single people really feel their status. Being newly single again, I've not really had time to sit down and assess what it means and have rarely felt alone or lonely, but over the last few days I've realised that as much as I kick against it and adore my own little cave with my own company, I am at heart a social animal and enjoy sharing time with someone.

However that being said, I've had control of the television remote, I can eat and drink what I please during the day, I can decide when to go to bed, when to get up, when to laze in the bath and loads of other little 'couple' decisions that I've been spared over this time. Yahoo :)

I think if I ever do decide to become part of a couple again, it will be after long and careful consideration of loads of factors. I will pick someone who I actually have things in common with, similar tastes in food, films, books, sex (of course), humour. I've ignored these in the past as not being important, apart from one (guess which one lol) and for long term it really doesn't work.

I know once this holiday is over I'll be fine again and staggering my way through the world as usual quite happily, quite single, quite content.. but I do think that there should be a huge place, somewhere nice, that if you are single, you can go to, free of charge at Christmas, to be with other single people, and enjoy Christmas together, eating drinking and orgying.... ok I'm being hopeful about the orgy bit lol.. but the main thing.. is there would be a togetherness and people wouldn't have to be alone.

To me that should be the true meaning of Christmas..

List this!

Got to thinking today, after a tweet from someone talking about lists, how some people are born list makers and some never do them. List makers will often try to convince us that the only way forward, the only way to conduct your life is by making a list. They will spend a large part of their time feverishly scribbling on bits of paper, or tapping away at keyboards, compiling these lists that prioritise their lives.

It starts when you're a small child, making Christmas lists, firmly convinced that you are going to receive every single thing on the list, which, depending on age, can grow to several pages. The poor parents are fully aware of this, but the pressure is now on them to choose things off this list that will make the child forget that they actually didn't get everything on this list his parents insisted was done! (They do notice though and the disappointment if you get it wrong can last a long time)!

I fall on the "never do them" side. I think they are evil things, things that, once written, demand your attention.

I can accept that if someone has a lot of things to accomplish, they think that a good way of putting them into order is to write them in a list. However, for me, once the things I have to do are committed to paper, the humble to-do lists become a set of demands, with the possibility of a pass or fail situation. The person who said "write down the things you have to do today and if you accomplish two things off the list you are doing well" is, quite frankly, a loser. If it's good enough to put on a list, then it deserves the respect of doing it! Which of course, if not accomplished becomes yet another thing failed. I have quite enough of those than you very much! (I could show you the list of them but won't)!

If you are going to do something, do it. If you have to think of what position it is on the list, or that you have to do something else, before you can do it you are wasting time you could have spent getting something done!

The universe flows inevitably, there are no lists that help it along it's way. It gets everything done, when it's time to do it. It doesn't fret at the end of the day that it hasn't got a black hole created or the meteor shower didn't happen quite on time, because of course, being the universe, whichever time it happens, is the right time.

So take a lesson from the universe, let things flow naturally, if you go to tidy the living room and take a dirty cup to the kitchen, then realise that the washing up needs doing and start that, then as you reach to get a new bottle of washing up liquid you realise you have none and trot off to the shops, meeting someone and having a coffee with them along the way, before going back home an hour or so later to begin the living room again... trust that this is exactly the way it's all meant to flow and enjoy it :) Life isn't on a list.. just enjoy it :)

Reality Shows - Who's reality are they?

I was listening to the radio today, while sorting out what clothes I want to take on holiday. It was on Real Radio Northwest, although was only half listening as they were prattling on, as only dj's can, about the X Factor.

I don't watch reality programmes. Any reality programmes.

I feel there is something fundamentally wrong in finding the humiliation of others entertaining. Quite apart from the fact that half of the programmes are as boring as watching cheese mature. So my mind was more on my packing than on what they were saying.

That was until they phoned one of the contestants. As she spoke my attention was pulled more and more to what she was saying. From what the dj's said, she was very good and was going forward. I can't quote word for word, but roughly what she said was:

"The judges actively encourage the really awful singers, telling them they are really good, in order to talk them into coming back and singing in front of an audience, so that they can be laughed at".

I stared at the radio appalled at what I was hearing. I had cynically voiced my suspicion about this in the past but to hear it admitted by someone was a shock. I can't actually put into words how this makes me feel. The human race really hasn't evolved very far at all has it. From Victorian Freak Show to the present day, we still seem to think it is fine to laugh at others.

I voiced my concerns and someone came back questioning whether they were "all there" as surely people know if they can't sing. This raised two points in my mind..

1) Surely if they aren't "all there" as it was so daintily put.. isn't that even worse? We are back to the freak show mentality.

2) I think there are some people who don't realise what they sound like. I have known a few people who are completely tone deaf, singing along to music quite happily not realising they are hitting completely the wrong notes. They were intelligent people, definitely "all there".

I realise I have no hope of changing people's minds about these programmes. I think they perpetuate the freak show mentality. They give people, in effect, permission to laugh at those people that aren't perfect.

One day the human race might realise that this is very wrong.

Or one day, those that find it so funny and entertaining, might find themselves on the receiving end. I can only hope, because they really are a sorry excuse for humanity.

My Pride and Joy

There isn't an awful lot I'm proud of in my life. I've not been particularly generous, I've not worked tirelessly for a worthy cause, I've not amassed fortunes to distribute amongst the needy, I've not even given huge amounts of pleasure to dodgy men.. couldn't even keep my two ex husbands happy.. although to be fair that was my decision more than theirs.

However if, once I leave this life, I am asked what gave my life meaning, I would only need to give two dates. They would be the birth dates of my daughters.

I would never ever say that being a mother was easy by any means. I have on the whole been dragged through motherhood kicking and screaming by these two amazing people. They have patiently shown me, over the years, that however much they threw at me, I was, to my intense surprise, able to cope, ready to put things back together when my first instincts often wouldn't have been either legal or ethical!

It can't have been easy, having me as a mother, but in teaching them, I learned myself. In guiding them, I was guided as well. I had a temper, they taught me to control it.

They are very different these daughters of mine. One can and does eat anything while maintaining a lovely slim figure (even after numerous children!) The other is as fussy as all hell, and only has to look at a chip and she can feel the weight go on. (Her lovely figure is worked very hard for!)

One is constantly stressed and I find I have to tread on eggshells most of the time I talk to her, never really feeling I can say what I think in fear of upsetting her. I know, as I have managed to many times in the past. She is such a sensitive soul in many ways. The other I can say anything to, tease, torment, laugh and cry with and I know I can speak my mind with her. She is very empathic so knows most of what I say is garbage anyway!

One is fiery, the other calm. I could go on and on about their differences, but through all of them I am more proud of them than anything else in this life. They are beacons of sunshine and light when things get dark.

They will always be my beauties, my achievement in this life, they are two very different but very special people. If it were allowed, I would protect them forever from all that would hurt them, but I know that for a long time now, they have been busy carving their own paths in life.

They exasperate me at times, but mostly they amaze me, I couldn't imagine life without them.

My girls, my pride and my joy. I love you both.

What a Swine!....

On my travels today, I came upon this sign, tacked up on the front doors of our local shopping centre. I barely looked at first, intent on going to get the latest useless bargains in the local Asda (add in image of me slapping non existent pockets on my backside).

I did stop though, unlike most people and took the time to actually read what it said. Obviously the second paragraph is the normal safety blurb that we are all getting used to, although not one of us could quote the information line number, me included. No, it was the first paragraph that grabbed my attention. "Do not enter these premises if you have flu-like symptoms....".

In itself I guess it's just a natural escalation of the scare mongering going around at the moment. The thing is though, I can't wait to see how they actually enforce this. Will everyone who sneezes get forceably ejected, or will you have to cough and sneeze, or cough, sneeze and look generally feverish? Will the use of a tissue set off alarms through the centre, causing other shoppers to stop and point accusingly at your red nose, which by this time of course will match your face at committing such a an evil crime! Will there be a reward for telling the security staff on a snotty shopper?

As the only pharmacy in the area is inside the centre, will that be relocated outside or be forced to close due to selling things likely to intice said snotty shopper into the centre, desperate to fill their prescription, or even just pick up some cough medicine? If they are allowed to stay, will they set up a prescription delivery service, where the afflicted and ejected can post their prescription through a hatch, so that a nice flu-free security guard can trot off, clutching it to his chest, straight to the pharmacy and bring back your medication?

How will they differentiate between someone who has hay fever, or just an ordinary cold. Will they have some kind of monitor, that you have to pass through, will there be a questionnaire?

It's not hard to see that I think this an amazing over reaction on the part of the centre. I would have thought merely telling everyone to leave their clothes at the door and spraying them with freezing disinfectant would have been more than enough!

When a Twit Twitters..

I admit it, I've become hooked on Twitter. It's an excellent way of keeping in touch with people, finding new friends and updating them about what you're doing. I have discovered, over the relatively short time I've been 'tweeting' that I probably do a lot less than most people, and that has motivated me into changing my habits. I'm going to look around and see what is out there for me to go and visit, what's happening at the theatres and locally that I might enjoy. I have already started this and will continue, after all, I need something to tweet about to stop everyone thinking I'm boring don't I! It also helps me to collect and order my thoughts a lot more, after all, as you can see here, I can run off at the mouth (or fingers) for ages at a time. Twitter gives me 140 characters to say my piece. It's not always easy, but it is concise!

I've never been impressed by fame, so there are only a few celebrities that I am remotely interested in following and that is only because their tweets are interesting, funny, informative or just plan ordinary. It makes you realise that they are real people, with real lives, laughs and loves.

I like that.

However as much as there are good things about Twitter, it does have it's mild annoyances. There is always someone ready to exploit a good thing. Here are some that I've found:

The Porn Industry: Ever grinding along (s'cuse the pun) following bunches of random people offering all sorts of carnal delights if only you click on the link.. you can block them and indeed Twitter bans them once identified (I think) but all this does is prompts them to create another account under another random nick and block follow people again. So in effect you get this bouncing offer of sex at least once a day as they create new profiles.. it does nothing to stop them.

The Companies and Sales People: these are slightly less random. They do key word searches and may the gods help you if you've mentioned something in a tweet that they can sell you! I've actively played with this, deliberately mentioning key words that are almost guaranteed to get you followed, just for the pleasure of blocking them (by the way Menopause is a great one. Mention that in a tweet and you can get immediate followers!) When I tweet now, I try to consider whether there is a better word to use, just so it's not picked up by the company bots.

The spiritual, motivational people. Yes, I know it's nice to give support to friends when they need it, I do this myself whenever I feel I can. However, I do it in plain English. I don't try to sound like I sit naked, legs crossed on a velvet cushion with all the wisdom of the cosmos pouring into my head, just so I can pass on "the word" to all us hapless tweeters. In reality of course, I know damn well you actually have nothing to say, so you sit with a book of motivational quotes, just typing them in.

Let me ask all those that inflict this spam on everyone - Take a look at your last tweet. What the hell has that to do with "What are you doing?" which is the whole basis for Twitter's existence!

I don't expect it to stop, it will probably get worse, however the one saving grace in it all is that no matter how many sex kittens, sales people and gurus follow you, you don't have to see what they tweet if you don't want to. You have to actively follow them before you get their tweets.

So really, having said all that, the only problem they cause is that your followers list goes up. Big deal. If Saucy Susie wants to see that I've done my laundry and might go to the pub that night, she's welcome to!

Freedom of speech.. an old concept that didn't really exist until the internet. Don't you love it?